Is the mountaineer Phil Crampton Richard III’s distant relative?

With the cities of York and Leicester engaged in an unseemly tug-of-war for the bones of King Richard III, I can exclusively reveal the city of New York has entered the contest to inter the corpse of the former English monarch, who died at the Battle of Bosworth in 1485.

Archaeologists from the University of Leicester uncovered the bones of King Richard, the last English king from the House of York, underneath a car park in Leicester last year. Earlier this week they announced that a DNA test using DNA from a distant relative now living in North America confirmed that the bones are those of Richard III. A reconstruction of the king’s face was also revealed at a press conference to announce the find.

I can reveal that the mystery donor of the DNA is none other than five times Everest summiteer and expedition leader Phil Crampton, owner of the mountaineering company Altitude Junkies. Of course, you only need to look at the above photos to see that it doesn’t take a DNA test to confirm the two men are related.

Since the results of the test were announced prominent figures from Leicester and York have been engaged in a battle of words over where the king’s body should now be buried. Originally from Nottingham, Phil has lived in New York for more than 20 years, and residents of the city believe this gives it two good reasons to be the Yorkist king’s final resting place.

“But he doesn’t look anything like me!” protested Phil when I spoke to him earlier this week. “I’ve always modelled my hair on the Stuart monarch Charles I.”

King Charles I was beheaded by Oliver Cromwell in 1649. With his two regal style gurus meeting such gruesome ends, the good news for Phil is that his haircut must have been in fashion for nearly 200 years. The bad news, of course, is that it isn’t any longer.